In Memoriam

Today I went to the memorial service for the father of two friends of mine. In a way, it's a bit incomprehensible to think of someone my age losing a parent. I don't know why it's any different this time -- I've had other friends whose parents have died of cancer, and P.'s father murdered his mother -- but somehow this was closer to home...maybe because in a way it reminds me of my own relationship to my father. I see some of the same tension here, and I think that makes the loss harder in some ways.

The minister talked about how, in some ways, the Bible is all about boats. The disciples always going out onto the water and fishing and stuff, and they respect the fact that it can be dangerous, and are grateful when they come back safely to shore.

She read the story where Jesus and the disciples are out on the water and Jesus calms a storm. First, he calms it and makes them safe. Then he asks, "where is your faith?" Not "ye of little faith!" or "have you no faith?" like in other versions. It is more, 'I know you have faith, why aren't you drawing on it?' In facing death, both our own and others', we have to draw on faith to see that it's not an end to be afraid of, but a beginning. If the gospels are all about boats, they're also all about faith. And in death, all our storms are calmed.

Something I realized again today is that maybe we should all be having our memorial services while we're still alive to enjoy them. I mean, for some of us this is the only chance to have people say nice things about us, a chance to see ourselves in a new light -- the best light possible. Imagine the lives we might lead if we knew the good things our friends and loved ones see in us, if we knew what they saw and strove to live up to that.

I think I'll go review the list of music I chose now.