The Case Of The Missing Church Service

I like to choose my church services based on the sign; not that I look for particularly flashy or inventive signs or anything – I check the times of the services written on a given sign and go from there. I like to pick services that mesh well with the AMT train schedule. So yes, if you must know, the transit commission for the greater Montreal region (or whoever) is, indeed, directing my spiritual life.

Today I wanted to go to the 12:15 service at a downtown church I haven’t been to in years. Time-wise, it’s within sprinting distance of a train that gets me there in the nick of time. Pretty convenient, eh?

So anyway, the train was late and I was a bit worried but, as I said, sprinting distance. I got there about three minutes before what should have been the start of Mass. Should have been because there was, in fact, no service that I could find. The hunt is now on for the missing service, which the sign tells me surely should have occurred.

The Gazette tells me in its religion calendar (which I read every week) that there should have been a service with a discussion following it. But I’m telling you I could find no such service! Was it relocated somewhere within the church, like a secret location known only to true initiates? If so, why would they advertise in the local paper? I went in the main door, checked out both side chapels, and saw nothing. Perhaps I should have looked for hidden entrances in other parts of the building?

If the service was hidden in a new secret location, and yet still open to the general public – including miscreants who wander in off the street because they’ve seen the sign – why did the church not contain clear directions on how to find said secret chamber?

Curiouser and curiouser.

The events calendar on the church's website tells me the service should have taken place in one of the chapels at 12:15, as it said on the sign. But both chapels were spectacularly empty at said time. In fact, nothing was set out that would even indicate there was to be a service. Perhaps the service was kidnapped? I saw no evidence of other foul play: no obvious signs of violent struggle, no clues of any kind, really.

This case is turning out to be particularly hard to crack.

The calendar of events, also on the website, tells me that there is an informal Eucharist at that time, and refers to another informal prayer as taking place in the treasurer’s office, wherever that is. There is also lunch and teaching. Perhaps they have Eucharist in the dining hall, wherever that is? This is all a moot point, because weekday Mass can’t be in the chapel, hall, and office all at the same time (though that would be pretty Trinitarian).

I thought for a moment that perhaps the service did not exist during the summer months, but there’s nothing anywhere on the website or elsewhere to justify that suspicion. Anyway, I can tell you I’m pretty disappointed that I couldn’t catch a service today. I woke up early and everything! I’m also worried that something terrible might have happened to it to make it miss out on itself. I mean, what kind of a service does that if not for a grave and serious reason? Without leaving any notice?

I just can’t fathom what happened to this missing service. If anyone has any information about this or any other unsolved crime, feel free to contact us through this blog.