Judges

Along with my blatant neglect of this blog, I've recently gotten out-of-step with several other things as well. I skipped praying the Daily Office for a while and, let me tell you, the action-packed book of Judges did not agree with that! Getting back into the swing of things, I found myself totally confused about what was going on. Who are these people? Why are they at war? Who is the man in the yellow hat?

It's interesting how clinical depression can be a vicious circle. You feel bad, so you're too tired to pray; you don't pray, so you feel worse; cycle continues ad infinitum. I hate to compare prayer to exercise, but it kind of is: if you'd just do it you'd feel better. It's a difficult situation for me because I've always connected prayer to a passionate desire for God, so the idea that I have to create that by getting into a prayer routine is foreign, because it's backwards.

Nevertheless, I think that this is a valuable learning experience for me, if I can learn how to draw a new kind of strength from prayer. What does it mean to want God when you don't feel like you want Him? The great experiment begins.

I know that I seem like a pessimistic crackpot pessimist but, really, there's a lot I have to look forward to. If all goes according to the current plan, I'll be welcomed into the Anglican Church in October (woohoo!!). I might me leading a Worship & Share session in September at my church, about liturgy (yay liturgy!); also might get to preach for back-to-church Sunday. If ministry team agrees, we're also going to start having daily prayer a few times a week, once we can get it started in the Fall (awesomeness!). It'll be good to have a prayer responsibility to someone other than myself...well, good for me, anyway. I miss the corporateness and the timeliness and the human contact.

So you see, lots of churchy goodness on the horizon.

But, even MORE awesome: two of my closest friends are getting married today!! YAY!!! I can't wait!

p.s. Pat, the elephant misses you a lot. You always cheered it up. The elephant will come visit you when you least expect it. And it's saving a great big hug just for YOU.