Lousy Smarch Weather

'Spring Break' (also known as reading week) came to an abrupt end with today's return to normal activities. Since I have no classes, the main effect on my life is that now my doctor's appointments start again, and I can look forward to spending an hour-and-a-half a week, give or take, exploring the ways in which various experiments are making me sick.

More depressing than thrilling, I think.

What I realized during Spring Break is that I am desperately lonely. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration. Just plain lonely, perhaps. This business of 'recovery' tends to be quite solitary: following an exercise program, sticking to a food plan that makes it difficult to eat what I want (plus, it's Lent; double bummer), a daily schedule that seems to take forever to get through because I'm always tired...all conducive to the lifestyle of a hermit.

If only refined sugar was still my real friend. *dejected sigh*

At least now I can get back to daily prayer. Which of course brings up the feeling of isolation inherent in spending the bulk of my social time with a group to which I don't really belong. I could just be feeling that way because the properties of my current treatment include depression, or it could be true. Ultimately, it doesn't matter, because the reality I'm stuck living in is the one generated by my brain. It complicates things that I'm often tired enough that I can't interact meaningfully with other people anyway. I feel like this isolates me even more, but it's something I can't break free of. If only people would talk to me anyways! If only the world was made of rainbows and butterflies! If only alarm clocks were made out of chocolate!...except in Lent.

I did get to hang out with one of my best friends last week though, and that was great! I am lucky that I have this kind of friends: the ones that love me back, that I know would hug me if I asked, who are full of joy and sunshine and happiness! I love you, and you're all totally amazing and awesome and probably the reason I'm still here (you know who you are)! Survival is easier when you don't have to do it alone.

I just don't get to see my friends very often, because they have lives. Hence the loneliness.

Well, winter sometimes has barren frigid blizzards that then shape up into snowmen and impressive ice sculptures.

And sometimes summer has bees.