The Evangelical Lutheran and the Anglican Church in Canada are in full communion with each other – of course, for me this is a completely revolutionary idea: that people might actually want others to receive their Eucharist. Welcome, but revolutionary. Anyway, I was fully aware of this. What I had not anticipated was that I would be receiving Eucharist in a non-Anglican service so soon. That was…unexpected.
I felt like I was in over my head. I mean, it took me months after not being Roman Catholic anymore to finally be in a place where I could participate in the Mass. And now, within the space of two weeks, I’ve received in two different churches. As we know, I don’t handle rapid change very well (any change, really), so figuring out what to do on the fly was challenging. Particularly since I was already nervous / panicking / scared.
This fear thing, I’m sure, will fade over time – or at least settle down to the low-level static fear I would periodically experience before. Instead of, you know, panic attacks.
Certainly, part of my nervousness derives from the fact that I’m interrupting an enduring pattern of not receiving Communion at all. Part of it is surely because I fear bringing condemnation down on myself. Perhaps often overlooked, by myself and others, is the fact that I’m going against two decades of ingrained teaching – ‘indoctrination’ if you will – by which I had always abided. I’m absolutely sure that what I’m doing is right, and that I’m doing it for true and right reasons. But the problem with having been a devout Roman Catholic is that, well, I was a devout Roman Catholic. A bit of an anarchist rebel, perhaps, but still observant of the law. Because I had consciously chosen to obey even rules with which I disagreed, the breaking of those rules still makes me kind of nervous.
Ah, well.
I learned about a new saint today: Frederick Denison Maurice. I like him; he was into social justice. And educating women. And unity. Awesome!
Oh, and I secured a copy of my baptismal record. *phew* Since I bypassed the priest (thank you Jesus for secretaries!), there wasn’t any fuss.
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Well, this is total nonesense. I feel completely unenlightened, and might actually be stupider for having read this. I want my 5 minutes back. And the time I spent writing this comment.
ReplyDeleteExcept for the secretaries thing: that is so true! They are the best at keeping secrets.