My God, you have fallen on me like rain.
You are gentle and cool,
caressing my fragile skin.
Your heat sears through me,
and your touch has lit my very soul on fire.
You pound me, forcefully, into the ground,
coercing me to strength;
Your awesome power is the home of my longing.
When I look up to you from the depths,
you fall on me like rain, my God,
like my own tears fall,
a mingling of joy and sorrow.

Like a river, my God,
you have enveloped me.
You are soft, but dangerous beyond words.
You have swept me up, carried me far away,
leaving me on strange banks,
on shores I do not know.
God, like a river you carry me aloft
and in your calm you have ravished me.
You have overfilled me
like a river in spring.

An ocean sometimes seems between us;
take hold of the waters, my God!
As wide as the sea is your love,
and its depths cannot be searched.
Fathomless are the secrets
you hold deep within you.
Like ocean salt, you cleanse my wounds.
I step into you like a river;
confessing your Name I am sanctified.
Your voice, O God, falls on me like rain.


My Lord,
you whispered softly in my ear,
your words like caresses on tender skin:
Come, follow me.

My heart became taut,
anticipation like a chill
rushing through my soul.
I called to you,
and you answered me.

You put yourself into my mouth
like honey.
I am the Living Water;
take and eat, that you shall have
eternal life.

You undid me slowly
as I put my trust in you,
wiping away like fog
my hiding place –
fearful and trembling,
like a deer I stood before you
without a covering.

What am I, Lord,
that you should look on me?
But you took me in your arms,
embraced me,
enveloped me softly in your wings.

Your words fell like gentle strokes
upon my skin.
I tried to absorb you.
I wished that I was bigger,
more than human, that all
eternity might pass
before you had covered all of me.

You instructed me
until a fire grew in me.
No one lights a fire
to hide it under a table.

Our Lord Jesus said, I will take you as my own, but yet I resisted him. Now I am compelled to speak. I am not a prophet, nor do I have authority, nor do I belong to a congregation of the Church; nevertheless, I will proclaim.

I have broken a vow, to follow God as I hear him wherever he leads me, and to give him all my life, because I misunderstood his word, and heard what I wanted to hear. I did not listen with my heart, but with the ears others had given me. Though once I stood in the light, I have run away from the Lord, because I do not understand his ways. I have stood behind a veil like a mist, and felt its light dampness in my hands as I lifted it; but it slips through my fingers just when I think I might be able to see further. I am admonished that thus far I shall see, and no farther: the unseen path is marked by faith. I must step into a cloud to follow him, and wander in a place I cannot see, whose destination I cannot discern.

The Lord led me out into the wilderness, where I have become lost and confused; he has abandoned me here because of my disobedience. He has left me here alone so I might find my own way for myself. I am like the wilderness, desolate; the journey home is difficult, and I do not know the way.

Nevertheless, I cannot refrain from crying out, because the Lord is King over all his people: his love is like a sword piercing my heart. But I am divided, as the world is divided. In pride, I pursue a desire to cling to myself.

People of God, look into your hearts and find him: hear his glory sung on the wind! For as surely as he has claimed us for his own, he will lead us into life if we but follow him.

Honor the Lord with your body, because he has given you breath. As a people, we have forgotten that we do not belong to ourselves. Beneath my feet there comes a powerful trembling, shaking and pressing my body. I asked the Lord what I was being pressed between, and the answer was myself. The treasure of my heart has become my own fear – fear, and not God. Therefore, I am afraid to move. Are we also afraid to move? Where, o people, does the treasure of our hearts lie?

Your will, like iron, O God,
binds me tightly.
Day by day I struggle against you,
but you do not let me escape.

You, my God, do not protect me,
you do not defend me from yourself.

Demanding, you call me,
as if I needed to come,
as if I had gotten away.

You overpower me,
demanding that I give you all of myself;
as if you were not inside me,
as if you did not take all of me.

There is no part of me
that you have not known.
You have forced yourself into me
like a jealous husband.

And yet, my God,
day by day I would bind myself,
day by day I would give myself,
if you did not possess me already.

And so I call you,
I call upon your Name,
invite you to ravage me,
even unto death.

I do not long to be defended
O my God.
I long for you to take me,
restrain me, forever,
like a jealous lover.

I am too concerned with what it looks like to see it for what it is.

Knock, and the door shall be opened; the Lord also has condescended to enter your home. If you have closed the door, can he enter a second time? Yes: if we first return to him, he will show us the way in.

Why does God ask us for things that we cannot give, and promises we cannot keep? The Lord asks us to come to him in humility, to admit our sin, and to call on his help. Then he will enfold us in his embrace until we fall asleep in his arms. Our hearts are filled with the love Jesus poured out for us. Our God lay in death as a man, dies in the stink of blood and flesh as a human being. Therefore let us not be proud. But neither let us believe that we cannot call on him, or that he will not hear.

The guilt of the human heart is heavy, and I cannot carry it. In shame and guilt I shy away from God and his people, in dismay I hide my heart within myself. What is not seen cannot be healed. There is pride in curling in on ourselves that keeps us from going to the Lord. But for our guilt, he would embrace us as little children in the eternal comfort of his love that surrounds us even now, soft and unseen. But the heart that has closed itself is not open to the embrace of forgiveness.

The souls of the saints are hidden in Christ; wherever Christ is in the midst of you, there, too, are they. Therefore let the souls of the living be joined with Christ so as to participate in the communion of all his saints. None of us ever stands alone, for Christ embraces us all in his righteousness. To be in Christ is to be never alone.

There is only one Church, holy, catholic and apostolic, joined with the apostles and all the saints; though there are many visible signs of it that have been built up, which we have separated. This is because of sin. However, this world has not yet passed away, and sin is still among us: the Kingdom of God, then, takes many forms, shining through the visible churches while itself remaining invisible and pure.

We are all joined by the sacraments, for where Jesus is present there we are united. Do not spurn the sacraments nor glory in righteousness that is not your own. Therefore, do not spurn your brothers and sisters, because you are all one body with Christ, whose Providence is unknowable.

When you fight amongst yourselves, you accomplish nothing but a tearing and rending of the Body of Christ. But this is blasphemy! How, then, could the body stand? Why do you accuse one another of doing the impossible – do you refute the glory of God because of your own impiety and pettiness? Yet, though the body remains united, it is nevertheless pained and wounded.

Jesus has given us a light which was bought at a great price, as we were bought. The light can be shone inwards, illuminating with its harsh light the effects of sin; divisions within ourselves glow brightly in this light, and we are all exposed. But this is a hidden light, a lamp hidden behind and within us, and it cannot shine forth to the world as a beacon of hope, as we are called to do.

The light brings hope to the lost and forsaken, leading them home. Shine forth, then, the love that is God’s that he has given to you. Do not take away from others, but build up! You are a light to the world; do not cover it.

Nevertheless, do not obsess about the purity of the body, because if there is an impurity God himself will purify it. It is not for the hand to know what is right for the heart, but for the secret knowledge of God. Therefore be patient with one another, and rest in the Lord.

Do not on this account be unconcerned about your lives: it is fitting that the Body of Christ be united in purity. Do not presume that you are safe from attack: temptation comes in the back door while you carefully watch the front, and it cannot always be recognized. We are an excessive people living in excessive times. Take care of the body, and do only that which builds up your love for your neighbor.

I have seen many beautiful roads fashioned in dazzling colours, spiraling about in graceful arches, luminescent in impossible hues and brightness, and they have many travelers upon them. They are without doubt beautiful and seductive, appearing harmless. But upon them there are many distortions that are difficult to recognize; they are like human beings taken apart as living objects. Be careful that you do not fragment yourself, so that one part of you is here and another there, being carried along by different creatures whose ever-changing appearance betrays their own lack of substance.

A red spark changes into a beautiful red dragon made of light, and back again. It appears harmless, and I am transfixed. The closer I come, the more vibrant and detailed it is. Only when I myself pull away does it begin to fade into the night. Do not assume that danger is easily recognizable: it lives among us in many forms, some of which are the ones we most long to see. Be watchful that the dragon does not grow, and do not let your pride fool you into thinking you yourself can contain it.

My soul has been ensnared: I had thought that this would wait for death. But the living soul can be captured from you: I did not live out the life and form God has destined for me. In blackness darker than night, the living soul is pulled down and covered; struggling, it desperately longs to escape even while it destroys itself. My sin led me away from the Lord, and with each new sin I felt the growing distance less and less. Yet my soul cried out to me to pull it from the darkness, and I heard its cry. The soul knows what the ear cannot hear, and its whisper is louder than a thousand voices speaking at once.

I have wandered in the wilderness without a church, and I find myself lost and searching for a way home. But home cannot be behind me, only forward. I do not know how long the journey will be, but I’ll never get there without finding the courage to start walking.

I have lain on the hot sands of the desert with nourishment at my side, the promise of life, and with cool waters drenching my feet. But the food is gone, and the water also: my oasis has become my tomb. I can only walk across the burning land toward the sun, or I will surely die. But it is difficult to make the journey with neither sustenance, nor knowledge, nor company. Yet I do not turn and look for others to help me, even though there is a boat just beside me on the sea. It is foolishness and pride to turn inwards, and it will be my condemnation.

You without a home are scattered; exiles and refugees, you have become separated from the people of God. Let us then return home, or set ourselves up in a new home. There are many cities along the way.

People of the churches, do not despair for the one who wanders at the edges of the border, for he must hear the word of the Lord before he enters your city, and he must understand, as far as a mortal can, what God desires for him. He is like a pilgrim searching for the promised land who, upon finding it, is not certain he wishes to enter.

People of God, do not withhold hospitality to the pilgrim or sojourner in your land. Whether they be with you for a day or a lifetime, it is not right to withhold that which God has given you authority to grant. Therefore, do not keep the sacraments jealously locked away; rather, administer them to all who come as a medicine that will bring them closer to God. Do not lead them astray, for their error and sin will then rest upon you. Though they have a claim on all that is yours, be careful not to offer them gifts they cannot accept, for you must be a good host to those who have come into your house.

However, those who journey should accept all that they are offered, never spurning a gift that is given through the love of God. Thus you would remain aliens in an alien land. You who walk among the people of God with scorn or fear born of pride, beware. You cannot worship among a family if you do not eat at their table, just as you cannot give love without first accepting the love of God. Do not be prideful, for it will be you undoing. If you will not become a citizen, at least do not reject the offerings the people have made, because the offerings come first from God. Do you think that God would offer you anything unwholesome, anything not for your benefit? Do not hide yourself because you cannot repay it. Neither be afraid that you will be rejected, because the dust on your feet can be shaken off. Turning aside from the mercy of the Lord is an invitation to find yourself alone.

The stranger who remains with you and yet apart from you is like a man who comes to worship at a temple and remains in the courtyard while others go in to the inner city. Wanderers take heed: the doors of the inner city are open to you, offering asylum; they are sturdy and will aid you. But the doors will be closed at the end of the day. Do not presume to be a part of the Church while remaining outside a community. You will be left outside the gates, because you are not known.

I stand before the Lord and I accuse myself. I have no church, though I have been wandering a long time; I have left my home to follow the Lord, but in my own error I have lost my way. Nor have I accepted the gifts offered me, because I have been afraid; in fear, I have not stretched out my hands. What I have not sought, God has not provided.

Behold, I saw the Lord standing before me, offering a sheaf of wheat to me. Do not be afraid, for I myself will feed you. The Body of Christ is life, and he alone will feed us: we are the hands, and God is the wheat. Open your hands, o people and wanderers, and in joy receive what is freely given. Do not presume that Christ will feed you if you set yourself apart: the gifts of love cannot be taken in solitude. If you find your hands empty, having nothing to give, rather take the hands of your neighbor in your own than hide yourself in shame.

The poor reach out their hands to you, but you turn away; the needy supplicate to you, but you do not answer them. How are we to feed them? We have nothing to spare. But there is plenty – you take too much of it. Will not the Lord provide for you what you lack? Surely the Lord will judge the merit of your works.

Thus says the Lord: I will gather my people from every nation, and they will know my face. For God is Lord of all people, and all of creation belongs to him.

Rise up, o people of God, as the Lord has intended for you! Go forth as a light in the nations. Look on the sick and unclean, and do not turn away. He will give you a great nation, he will build it for you on a hill overlooking a valley.

From the very beginnings, the Church has gathered. Do not drive away sheep from your own fold, for either they will be alone and their lives upon you, or they will find another fold in the flock. But as for you, you will become a more inviting target for the wolves. However, if the sheep leave of their own, do not blame yourselves, nor think you are accountable for them.

The shepherd is not meek, but sends the dogs to nip at the heels of the sheep that are not following. Listen to the dogs, all you who are scattered, lest you become lost among the rocks. But neither is the shepherd cruel, for he will not abandon his own. He will search you out and find you. Do not think that he might not find you already consumed if you wandered too close to the lion’s den.

As for me, I stand before you in the hope that God will strengthen my heart, that I might not remain alone. I do not set myself up, and neither should you. I am like a light turned inward, hidden and unworthy, tarnished with dust. I do not know how to lift it and put it on the table. Perhaps, if I exert myself to burn a little brighter, God will return for me, and lead me onward in my journey.

Prayer is like breathing,
and O, how hard it has been!
Gasping for air on these steep mountains,
I am afraid I will fall asleep,
that all my thoughts will vanish.

But you will breathe for me;
breaths I have not taken you will put in my mouth.
O, how I long for your sweetness,
for the life you restore to me!
In my unanswered longing I die,
but the sound of your voice gives me life.

I am hidden in your heart, my Lord,
in the secret places words cannot contain.
I am hidden there, with your mouth on mine;
I am joined to you in the breath of your love.

You are my Beloved;
it is you alone whom I love.
For you will revive me from the loss of myself,
and remake me to love you anew.

Rejoice with great gladness! The day of the Lord will come with music and dancing; God will relieve your fears and comfort you. God will not abandon you. The Lord’s crown is heavy now, but soon it will become a delight!

A great light will come out of the darkness, and the order of the world will be restored. See, there is a green tree in a green field, brighter than the earth, restored. All that was lost will be given new life. The veins of the grass are too numerous to count, and they are overflowing with life. That which covers over the image of God will be striped away. In the house of the Lord, our humanity is amplified; in the dwelling of God, our humanity is completed.

The light of healing will flow through all people and reveal all things. Those who have been broken will heal, for even the smallest creatures fulfill God’s purposes with praise.

This is our vocation, to live in this meadow! Rejoice, and be glad in it!

I have faith in your goodness, Lord,
for you have made me;
without you I am not what I am.
I love you, Jesus,
for you have saved me;
you have embraced me in weakness and sin.
Spirit, come upon me,
breathe into me true Breath;
your light is my life.

You pour out Living Water
upon the earth, and the world springs forth in adoration.
The world will thirst no longer,
and the hungry heart shall be satisfied.